wow... its been a week since tc... and i didn't completely finish the whole backtracking thing... so i guess i'll start with that and then continue with what went on this week and how God's been pulling me through... wheee!!! =D

arrites... so the thurs of march break.. the last day of tc... it wuz tiring.. just cuz we all didn't get a whole lotta sleep and we even slept IN ... but yah... i wuz able to take a nap during interaction, which i sorta wish i didn't sometimes, just cuz i missed out on the bethel team interaction... but the rest wuz much needed.... so yah... and well going into tc.. i guess i figured that i'd get whacked real hard by God... like i wuz seriously expecting to learn some real hard lessons.. like i wuz BRACING for it.. but God had other planz... He spoke more in a whisper i guess... like i felt like i LEARNED.. but not so much in the breaking down in tearz kinda learn.. more in the gaining info in my head and applying it kinda learn... it wuz awesome... tc this year wuz SOOO not about hype.. and i'm hoping the result frum after tc is still the same as last year's... cuz last year after tc, stuff CHANGED.. and i'm glad for it too!!! =) ANYwayz.. so the thurs of tc... we were talking about songz for the nite session and we were talking about surrender.. then all of a sudden i started to think about the words and never has the words to that song hit me so hard as it did when we sang it during the worship time... like WHOA.. don't know how to describe it.. just AMAZING...

"i'm giving YOU my heart, and ALL that is within
i lay it ALL down, for the sake of YOU MY KING
i'm giving YOU my dreams, i'm laying down my rights
I'M GIVING UP MY PRIDE, for the promise of new life"

amazing... and the chorus... i surrender ALL TO YOU... wow... those words just hit home.... so yah.. thaz my whole thing about the song surrender... sooo convicting...

anywayz... this is gonna be SUPER LONG.. but yah.. i'm actually procrastinating prettie bad right now.. =P should be doing my eng, but i wanna think about this past week i guess... so newayz.. this past week has been insane... like seriously, insane... i had so much stuff to do, and just a lotta STUFF... but somehow, i'm still alive and kickin and its friday! so yah... i had a two-part eng assignment due today (praise God i got an extension to monday!! phew) and i had a comp arts isu due, plus a phys test to study for... plus work last nite, tonite and tmw.... and piano, and fellowship.. just a lot on my plate... and i never thot i'd get thru it alive.. much less happy... =D but i am!!! and i dunno.. God's grace has really been sustaining me... HIS GRACE IS SUFFICIENT... and so yah.. been learning thingz everyday... sometimes hard to find time to be with Him, but i guess thatz something i gotta work on... spending more time just being still.. and just BEING... =)

what else to say??? school's been tough, but hopefully after this week... meh... we'll see what happenz.. only a few more months left of highschool... yet i'm somewhat ready to leave i guess... i dunno... signz that i'm getting old.. hahaha... ANYhow... i miss my basics!!!! waaaaahhh!!! the media team, the worship team... my bethel team!!!! grrr.. wish tc wuz more than just two dayz.. but then again, it wuz never about the conference anyway... the actual conference wuz more of a launching pad for a ton of new friendships... hopefully we all keep in touch.. hehehe.. if not i'll hunt 'em all down!!! muahahaha... =D (j/k for anyone reading this... i'm not insane.. really!!! =D) but yah.. i really really really really miss 'em all... luv 'em with all my heart... hope we get together again soon!!!! and hope to get to know pplz frum bethel more... *sigh* feel so bad about missing out on so much of the interactions and stuff... bleh!!! nehooz... head's gettin prettie sore now... i might start gettin hysterical.. eeeekkkk!!! lotsa stuff coming up.. but next week lookz like a nice breather kinda week.. not much stuff.. i hope... =) blog more later.. hahahaa... CONGRATS to whoever made it this far in my blog.. hahaha.. today's wuz SUPER LONG.. sorrie!!! but i warned ya before!!! =D BE BLESSED!!!!

okay... i'll probably be blogging in sections today.. just cuz there's so much stuff crammed into my head and i gotta get my thots organized a bit? mmm.. where to begin.. how about with TODAY... then we'll backtrack? so today wuz the first day back @ cecc... wow... never knew how much i missed my brotherz and sisterz there.. and itz interesting cuz i went back and just FELT different being there... i dunno why... like i wuz excited and happy to see my basics again, but at the same time i wuz kinda like observing? watching? i dunno.... ANYwayz...i think God's trying to send me a message.. .it'll make sense once i backtrack... and so yah... today i wuz changing and stuff.. and popped in the surrender cd and set it to shuffle... so it just playz random tracks... go figure the first song i hear is SURRENDER....and well letz just say i got whacked prettie good with that song frum tc... it'll make sense later... so yah... and i just broke down.. got on my knees and prayed... teared up and stuff too... wow... God's amazing.. then i went to church saw my "family" again... and yah.... service starts.. i open the bulletin and the title of the sermon: a vision of worship....(WHOA!) and we start singing songz and stuff... and the last song we sing... SURRENDER... (WHOA!) God just put me in my place... seriously... and so yah.. the msg wuz about changes in perspective that we need to truly worship... basically to sum it up, we need a new vision of God.. and true vision of ourselves, a new vision of grace and a new vision of service.... if more detailz are needed, just msg me or summthin and i'll spit out my sermon notes.. =) so yah... interesting msg...

then fellowship... wow... those kids... hahaha.. i know i'm gettin old when i start referring to the pplz in my fellowship as kids.. wow... am i ever old... newayz.. i won't digress for the time being.... so today wuz "bring a friend" day @ fellowship and yah, we had a few ppl.. .and we sang freedom and blessed... it wuz cool cuz i got to share some of the technical stuff that i learned thru the worship team (luv and miss u guyz!!!!!!) but it wuz really really awesome... i wuz playin the piano so i couldn't see how everyone else wuz worshipping, then it hit me... how are YOU worshipping, hazel? and just WHOA... got put in my place again... *sigh*

so that wuz church this morning. and the day'z not over yet, so who knowz what else is coming tonite. anywayz... over the past few dayz i've been feelin like there's a lotta stuff that God's gotta show me ... like convict me of... ther'z just something that makes me feel... blah? i unno how to describe it... like life's prettie good... seriously.. but just something that makes me bleh... i dunno.. so i've been asking God to convict me and i guess pull me outta this "funk" (as raine would say... ) and yah.. BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU PRAY FOR... cuz God's been convicting me and just revealing Himself to me... for example.. today's blurb from my utmost... and i guess i'll leave with that for the time being... add more about tc and the past few dayz later....

The deadliest attitude of the Pharisees that we exhibit today is not hypocrisy but that which comes from unconsciously living a lie.